


Sparks

by keirajo



Series: TF:MTMTE/LL-A.U. (divergence from canon) [1]
Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Love, M/M, Major Character Injury, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 00:57:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14321016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keirajo/pseuds/keirajo
Summary: A fight on a planet.   An injury.   And.............?





	Sparks

Prologue:

 

**_Injher 7, some time ago._ **

****

            Megatron couldn’t help but think that this was crazy.  Giant organic spiders that ate mechanical lifeforms…?  How in the universe could such a thing exist?  And out of all the potential coordinates the ship could have hit…the _Lost Light_ wound up running into such creatures?  THIS WAS IMPOSSIBLE!!!  And yet……….

            Everyone seemed to be handling the situation as if they had encountered this…or things **_like this_** …hundreds of times before.

            At that point…Megatron couldn’t decide which was stranger—the crew acting like they’ve done this before…or that here there were giant organic spiders that ate mechanical life-forms.   All they had done was to respond to a Cybertronian distress beacon coming from the planet!   Clearly if there were stranded Cybertronians here, they had long since been consumed by the spiders.  The former leader of the Decepticons shook his head as he swung a small minion spider around and threw it into a wall behind him.

            There was shouting all around him…crew members calling out warnings or bringing attention to the injured.  Megatron assisted Brainstorm and Perceptor, asking if they had any other information on these spider life-forms that they could use to defeat them.  The crew needed to do something to turn the tide soon…

            “I would be aware of the fact that the large one…a queen perhaps…appears to be trying to access brain modules,” Perceptor snapped, shakily getting to his feet and banging a fist on his knee, which seemed to have seized up.  “Rodimus is far too close to her and that puts him in danger.”

            Megatron gave a small snort.  It probably wouldn’t matter if that juvenile little mechanism got himself put on a morgue slab.  He couldn’t imagine why any of the crew actually liked him, for the most part.  Rodimus came off as rather annoying and selfish, as far as Megatron could tell.  Brainstorm transformed into his aerial mode and flew towards the giant queen spider and Rodimus, gun-ports open.

            “Rodimus, evade this if you feel like it,” Brainstorm laughed.

            Rodimus laughed and went into car mode, zooming up the wall and around the back of the queen spider.  “Brainstorm…see if you can find First Aid!  Injured crew on this side…Hound and Whirl are down.  I _wondered_ why I hadn’t seen Whirl in the last few moments!”  He called with a slight chuckle in his voice, transforming back to robot mode as he landed beside the two Autobots.  “Whirl…you functioning?  If not, I’ll make sure you get a pretty smashing funeral…” Rodimus laughed, kneeling besides the two.

            “That better be a promise,” Whirl groaned.  “As usual, people think it’s okay to stab me through the abdomen with a long metal object…why is that?  I’m starting to think I’m part of a universal running gag or something…………” the crazy Autobot added in a mock-pout, his single optic making a narrow line on his facial plating.

            “Captain,” a deep and quiet voice said.  When Rodimus turned his head, Cyclonus was suddenly there.  “The queen seems to be intent on getting brain modules.  She needs to be taken out now.  Go…I will make sure none get to these injured,” he said, drawing his greatsword.  The sphere in the hilt glowed intensely.

            Rodimus stood up and nodded.  He turned to focus back on the battle and almost ran into Megatron.  “Well, hello, _useless guy_ …I’ve got trouble to take care of, so…gimme a boost over to mama spider there?”  He laughed, reaching up to lightly punch Megatron in the chest.

            “Tch, fine,” Megatron grunted, lowering an arm, palm out.  Rodimus swiftly stepped into the palm as Megatron lifted and tossed Rodimus towards the spider.  “He’s too reckless, he deserves to get smacked down hard.”

            “Nah, he’s pretty damn awesome,” Whirl laughed as Megatron knelt next to Hound to check out the damaged leg.  “Oi, Cyclonus…you should swing that sword a little faster and stuff!  Make it _flashy_!”  Whirl taunted.

            “Do you want _another_ long metal object shoved through your abdomen?  Shut up, then,” the old soldier snapped, sparing a brief glance back at the ex-Wrecker.

            Satisfied that Hound would be all right, Megatron looked back at the fight with the minion spiders and the queen spider.  Then he suddenly noticed something he hadn’t noticed before.  Rodimus was reckless on his own, but…he was also giving careful directions to others.  The rest of the crew that Rodimus was directing seemed to be working quickly and following the orders.  Like this was just…another _normal_ day.  Like Rodimus was _actually_ a good and respectable leader.  And the plan… _whatever_ that plan was…seemed to be working.

            While Ultra Magnus and Atomizer kept the queen’s attention focused on them, Rodimus transformed into his vehicle mode, slipped underneath the queen’s abdomen and swiftly transformed into robot mode and opened fire on her undersides.  In a few moments, the queen collapsed on top of Rodimus…which didn’t actually seem to make anyone worry much.  Then the young Autobot punched his way up through the top of the giant spider, laughing, and covered in green and gray organic matter.  Others laughed with Rodimus and gave him some hearty cheers.

            “Well…hunh,” Megatron murmured, suddenly intensely curious about the way this crew and the individuals were.

 

 

 

 

**_ Sparks _ **

 

 

 

         _When I woke up…the sky above me was dark and empty.  I seemed to be…floating…in an ocean?  There was water was all around me and I was just floating atop it.  I wondered how I had gotten here…it wasn’t the last thing I remembered…but wait, what **was** the last thing I remembered?  I lifted a hand above my face…this was **my** hand…?  The pale, five-fingered flesh seemed so very strange to me.  Hunh, this was weird.  I waved the hand a little bit and it was still flesh and pale.  It wasn’t always like this, right?_

_It was about then that the pain in my chest made itself known.  Oh yeah.  He was gone.  That’s right… **that’s** why I was here.  This imagery was all… **things** …that…represented my feelings over what happened, his death.  The dark and empty sky was my loneliness.  The vast expanse of ocean I was floating in was my grief…unending and all around me.  But the fleshy hand…?  Was that because we had…?_

_Now that I realized where I was and what it all represented…the pain of my loss was everything inside of me.  I decided that it wouldn’t matter much to anyone if I were simply to drown in my grief.  I pushed myself down beneath the water and let myself sink into the dark depths.  Yes.  End it all right now.  I was too lost to keep following the light anymore._

_The sound of silence suddenly felt muffled and the water seemed to embrace me.  It was not a horrible way to go, to be honest.  It was almost like being born…soft and quiet and peaceful.  And once I was gone, if there really was an afterspark…then maybe we could be together again………………_

 

 

*      *      *      *       *

 

 

            “It’s a _ridiculous_ idea,” Ultra Magnus sighed, dropping the datapad on Rodimus’ desk.  The second-in-command of the _Lost Light_ seemed slightly annoyed and vastly disapproving today.  “We can’t afford to keep deviating from finding the Knights of Cybertron.  Optimus Prime keeps asking us for updates…for Primus’ sake, _Starscream_ keeps pestering us for updates!”

            “Not deviating.  I just haven’t gotten any more of the map drawn yet,” Rodimus said with a shrug, stabbing his desk gently with the laser-knife.   He was bored and maybe a tiny bit frustrated.  He had seemed a little frustrated ever since Megatron had been foisted upon his crew months back.  “It’s not like we can call the _Vis Vitalis_ _every_ 30 minutes to try and get just a fraction of the next set coordinates.  It’s the damn coding on the map…no matter who draws it or who looks at it…the coding won’t let us remember much more than the next set of coordinates.   We can look further……..we can look at the endpoint………but we can’t remember it when we look away.”

            “As often as Rodimus and I don’t agree, this is one I have to agree with him on,” Megatron responded, waving a hand dismissively, gazing at Ultra Magnus.  The recently assigned “co-captain” of the _Lost Light_ just was very evenly emotional about anything on the ship, he seemed to be cool and calm about anything.   Not getting any more involved than he absolutely had to, performing his duties as captain on the vessel.   “We’re currently awaiting confirmation with the _Vis Vitalis_ on the most recent set of coordinates from the map Rodimus drew.  The whole issue is baffling…I wonder how the Knights of Cybertron managed to make this map code itself, no matter who interprets it…?”  The former leader of the Decepticons sighed.

            “The universe as we know it has ended… ** _Megatron_** just supported me!”  Rodimus laughed, getting up from his chair and walking to the door.  “Welp…you two can talk it out.  I wanna do it, so you know my opinion.  I’m gonna go wander around the ship and be bored for the next ship’s cycle.”  The original captain of the _Lost Light_ strolled out of his own room and office and left Megatron alone with Ultra Magnus.

            “There’s no reason why we cannot _try_ Rodimus’ idea…especially since the Meruvinians have a valuable element that Nautica says she needs to make the engine performance better,” Megatron said, turning to Ultra Magnus and spreading his hands in semblance of a mild shrug.  “Until Thunderclash or his lieutenants can verify the coordinates we sent them, we don’t want to travel too far off the course.”

            “Neither of you are the ones dealing with Optimus Prime or Starscream,” Magnus groaned, reaching down to pick his datapad back up from the desk.  He believed in keeping things tidy and if Rodimus wasn’t going to look at it right now, then he was going to hold onto it until he could force the younger Cybertronian to view the reports.   “You’re sure you’re not supporting him merely to prolong things?”  The Autobot inquired, looking at Megatron curiously.

            “I won’t deny that I’m trying to slow things down.  But I won’t support wandering aimlessly and likely getting lost just to prolong things, that _isn’t_ the way I am,” Megatron responded, shrugging his broad shoulders and shaking his head.  “I’ve long since accepted what that judgement is going to be…whether it was Optimus who would hand it down, or now provided we find the Knights, whatever they may say.  But there are some things I still would like to do yet, before the end arrives.  Things I have never had the opportunity to do when…well…since never, I suppose.  In the mines, I saw nothing but the mines…everything I did after that, there was never time for myself, it was all just the _Decepticon Cause_.”

            “Then you must be _bored_ here…it probably isn’t anything like what you wanted to do with your free time,” Ultra Magnus chuckled, glancing at the cluttered desk again and instinctively tidying it up, even though he didn’t have to.

            “I think a lot of silly things go on amongst the crew of this ship…and it is a vastly different environment than I have ever seen…but I don’t think I am bored or insulted by any of this.  I find everything quite interesting,” Megatron responded with a wide smile.  It was true, since he had been revitalized this most recent time…it seems that whatever purged Cybertron had fixed the errors in his program that had been made by Shadowplay ages ago.   “This experience is giving me a broader view of living than I ever imagined…and with all honesty, it is from being here that I would like to prolong my end just a little longer if I can.”

            “If Starscream knew this, he’d blow a fuse and demand Rodimus or I execute you on the spot.  As fair as Optimus Prime is attempting to be…I feel he might be inclined to agree with that,” Magnus responded, deadly serious.   Giving Megtron one of his patented “Magnus Glares”, a glance that could contain annoyance and disapproval in vast quantities, all at one single time.

            “And _you_?”  Megatron asked, curiously, pressing the panel to open the door and gestured for the ship’s second-in-command to walk through.

            “Shadowplay was a distasteful experiment of the Senate…and all it did was cause Cybertron plenty of misery,” Magnus sighed, stepping through the doorway.

            “I didn’t ask about Shadowplay and what the Senate did to me,” Megatron snorted, following Ultra Magnus out of Rodimus’ room.

            “I think that many of us are seeing the real Megatron, the miner from Tarn who merely wanted equality for all Cybertronians,” the Autobot responded, in a soft and even voice.  “I think that you should be allowed to pick up the pieces of your life and live it.”

            “That would be nice,” the former Decepticon chuckled.  “But we all know it’s impossible.”

 

 

~

 

 

            “Those forms are rather interesting,” the Chief Chancellor of Meruvin chuckled as he extended a thin, blueish arm out towards Rodimus.  “Is it really appealing to be so _pale_ on this faraway world you call…what was it again?”  He inquired, curiously.

            Rodimus lightly pressed his human-looking wrist against the Chancellor’s, in the way of greeting on Meruvin that he had studied up on.  “It’s like called _‘Earth’_ …right?”  He murmured, glancing at Megatron for confirmation…though he knew full well it was exactly what that planet was called.  His avatar had a somewhat youthful form…feathery brown hair that looked neatly styled and an orange sweatband on his brow.  He wore layers of clothing in his favorite colors of red, yellow and orange and had a black stylized tattoo of flames that went up his right arm.  In his avatar form, he had soft brown eyes.

            Megatron’s taller, older-looking human form glanced down at Rodimus and smiled.  He had soft greyed hair that contained a gentle wave in it, sloping to the back of his head.  His eyes were a brown color that was almost more red than brown.  “Yes, it’s called Earth,” he responded.  “The Earthlings don’t spend a lot of time outside in their natural environment.  They are likely pale from being indoors much of the time,” he added, nodding politely at the Chancellor and then placed his wrist out in greeting. 

            “It is greatly appreciated that you could accommodate us in a way like this, we are afraid we don’t really have buildings suitable to your Cybertronian bodies,” he added.  The tall Meruvinian was basically a form similar to humanoid, but with a longer torso and longer limbs.  Their faces seemed thin and narrow, pointed at the chin, with eyes that slanted upwards from the nasal cavity to the temples.  And the Meruvinians also had long pointed ears, like the Earth drawings of their fantasy elf creatures.  “My formal name is…” and he said a name that sounded like screaming in any native tongue, “…but you may call me Chancellor Aiyn, using Galactic Standard.”

            “I’m called Rodimus, from the city of Nyon on Cybertron,” Rodimus greeted, smiling cheerfully and brushed a hand through his hair.  The holomatter avatars were more solid using the AR beds to project them…better for projecting over distance.  But the AR beds in the medical suite were very few and used only in special cases like this one, when projecting an avatar over great distance could be dangerous to the Cybertronian.  “I’m the Captain of our ship, the _Lost Light_ …this ship is on a mission to find kin that left Cybertron millennia ago.  This guy is…my co-captain…Megatron, from the city of Tarn.”

            “Whether he likes it or not,” Megatron chuckled, smiling.  Megatron seemed to be adjusting easier and easier to the avatar system the more often he used one.  The facial structure had fewer age-lines in it now and seemed smoother in structure.  The hair was neatly smoothed out, with a few dangling pieces of hair that looked natural to real humans, as well.  Today he had clothed his avatar in neatly pressed slacks and was wearing a white dress-shirt that was casually unbuttoned at the top two buttons…out of all the Cybertronians who used avatars, Megatron had shown versatility in maintaining and adjusting his avatar, even though he had never used an avatar before coming aboard the _Lost Light_.  Megatron could actually easily **_change_** the clothes of his avatar at whim, which most Cybertronians couldn’t do this without working on their avatar completely for several days before projecting it with such changes, and he wore a different outfit every time he used the avatar.  “It is kind of your council to agree to negotiate with us.  Our ship’s chief engineer tells us that the mineral known as _lykanite_ on your world could provide a stabilizer to most fuel we generate from other elements.  For a quantum engine, it sounds like stabilization is a great desirability.”

            “Although I am not a scientist of any sort…I think I would likely agree with that,” Aiyn chuckled.  He turned away from the two and made a vague motion with his hands.  “Please follow me to the conference rooms and we shall talk about trades and negotiations.”

 

 

~

 

 

            They had been in talks for nearly seven straight hours and then the Meruvinians said that it would be all right to break for the night.  They had offered a set of quarters to Rodimus and Megatron for them to sleep in, even though Rodimus had tried explaining (with plenty of protest in his voice) that the holomatter avatars don’t need things like food and sleep…and they could simply project the avatars back to the planet in the morning.  But the Meruvinians had **_insisted_** the two stay the night, because they were **_guests_** …and they treated guests with great respect.  Megatron had contacted and notified Ultra Magnus of the happenings, while Rodimus pouted and paced the room back and forth anxiously.

            “Look, you should relax and make the most of this,” Megatron said, sitting on the edge of the bed and watching Rodimus pace with an amused look on his face.

            Rodimus looked over at Megatron…who had reformatted his avatar to be ready for bed in a human fashion.  A tanktop and sweatpants…very dressed down and casual human attire.  And though his holomatter avatar had an older look about it, Megatron’s avatar was well defined for such an aged look.  “Primus…how do you **_do_** that?”  Rodimus groaned, shaking his head as he stopped a few feet from the bed, staring down at the older Cybertronian.  “And what is _this_ anyways…even if our holomatter avatars slept, there’s only one bed?!”  He muttered, darkly, thrusting his arm out to encompass the large and luxurious bed.

            Megatron tossed back his head with laughter and he let his avatar’s greyed hair tumble naturally over his shoulders and neck.  “I figured you had not caught on to that…the way they had been treating us all along,” he said, holding a hand out to Rodimus as a gesture of familiarity.  “They think we are…sparkmates,” he chuckled warmly.  Then Megatron laughed even harder when he saw the look of complete shock and annoyance both cross the younger Cybertronian’s avatar’s face.

            “That’s so **_stupid_**.  Why in the name of Vector Sigma would I even want to be seen in the same general space as you?”  Rodimus responded, a bit angrily, placing his arms crossed across his chest.

            “You’ve never had a bond have you…either an _Amica Endura_ or _Conjunx Endura_ bond?”  Megatron asked, curiously, looking up at his “co-captain”.

            “I don’t particularly care to get close to people…during the war, it was too easy to lose someone,” Rodimus murmured softly, glancing away and at the floor.

            “That’s very understandable,” Megatron replied, smiling at Rodimus.  He noted that Rodimus hadn’t answered him with a “yes” or a “no”.  “Come, sit down here on the bed…I promise **not** to do anything to you.  I’ll tell you how to simplify updating your avatar,” he added, patting the space on the bed next to him.

            Rodimus hesitantly sat down, a couple feet away from Megatron on the large bed, and listened to the older Cybertronian explain how he had found a way to simplify coding when it came to outfitting and adjusting one’s holomatter avatar.  Rodimus tried to simplify the clothing, as Megatron had explained it to him and wound up with some strange glitch in the clothing that resulted in looking like part of a female’s sundress and part of a snowsuit…but then he tried again and managed to pare down his avatar with a red tee-shirt and pair of black shorts, which was far simpler clothing.  The younger Cybertronian seemed really happy when he had managed to do it, and was suddenly in a much better mood.

            “We have a lot of time until morning and we won’t be _‘sleeping’_ …so why don’t we get to know each other?  I will tell you about myself, my life before the war and what the Senate did…and you can tell me a little bit about where you came from,” Megatron said in a gentle voice, smiling at Rodimus as he laid back on the bed in a relaxed pose, arms behind his head, which rested on some fluffy pillows.

            “I guess there’s really nothing better to do, honestly…but you go first and maybe I’ll decide whether to tell you anything or not,” Rodimus said in a bored, dismissive voice, waving a hand thoughtlessly.  He sat crosslegged near the edge of the bed and fairly far away from where Megatron was sprawled out on the bed.  “Welp, let’s hear your **_incredibly amazing_** life story.”

            Megatron chuckled and began to talk about when he’d come online…and how back then your form dictated function, thus that was why he was taken to the mines—he had been designed as a worker.  At first he’d believed the form-dictates-function assignments for all Cybertronians too, but after a while he’d begun feeling unhappy in the mines and at doing this job he was supposedly “designed” for.  He’d gotten together with a few other unhappy miners and they’d begun doing the speeches and inspiring Cybertronians to reach higher than where they were stationed in life.   He mentioned writing _Towards Peace_ and how it was originally written, before the war started…and mentioned that it had been partially rewritten and amended after the war began.  He talked about the times he’d been “appropriately punished” by “superior Cybertronians” and when the Senate finally stepped in, using him in their Shadowplay experiments.   Shadowplay was the code-word for the secret portion of Cybertronian surgeons which practiced _Mnemosurgery_ …study and alteration of the brain and a Cybertronian’s personality.   All of which was what had basically begun what came to be known as the trigger of the war, because Shadowplay had changed Megatron _forever_.   Megatron thought that talking about the past might feel harmful or traumatic to him, but it actually felt good to deal with everything…now that he was purged of all that stuff at his recent revival and Cybertron’s reformatting.

            “Tell me about **_you_** , Hot Rod of Nyon,” Megatron said, sitting up and leaning towards the younger Cybertronian.

            “That’s _not_ my name anymore,” Rodimus snapped, looking away from Megatron.

            “Then shall I call you _Rodimus Prime_?”  The former Decepticon teased gently, smiling as he leaned closer to Rodimus.

            “ ** _Please_** don’t do that,” Rodimus muttered, looking up and directly glaring at Megatron angrily.

            “What happened?  I was told…and I believed…you always wanted to be a _Prime_ ,” Megatron asked, backing down from his teasing and sitting up straight.  He didn’t want to antagonize Rodimus right now.  He was actually very curious about something…about Rodimus…there was something he’d seen recently and it made him extremely curious about the younger Cybertronian.

            “Really…who doesn’t?  You know…the Prime lineage and everything, they get all the awesomeness and glory,” Rodimus said, shrugging and looking around the room, doing everything he could to avoid looking directly at Megatron.  “Doesn’t _everyone_ want a piece of that?”  He chuckled, as if he were blowing off the question.

            “Hmmmmm,” Megatron murmured.  “It doesn’t sound like **_you_** do anymore,” he said.

            “Optimus Prime is a………….never mind.  He ruined my image of what a Prime was, even though he was my ideal of a Prime a long time ago,” Rodimus trailed off.  “Look, why are you going on about this?  And why in the name of Primus do you want to know _anything_ at all about me?  I’m just some racer… ** _a nobody_** …a soldier who just wants to make things better for Cybertron in this time of peace.”

            “You ignite Sparks,” Megatron said.

            “Okay, see… ** _that’s_** just a stupid coincidence thing.  And if Swerve told you that story, he embellished it times a million.  It was clearly the half of the Matrix that I was holding that…” Rodimus groaned, shoulders drooping sadly.  Then Megatron immediately silenced him with a couple fingers over his lips, to stop Rodimus from degrading himself.

            “I don’t mean the lost moon thing,” Megatron replied in a gentle voice, as gentle as it could sound when it was such a rough and deep voice.  “And it was actually partially Cyclonus and partially Ultra Magnus who told me that story.  Though Swerve’s version really is highly entertaining,” he added, grinning.  “And I don’t mean literally igniting Sparks in a birth field like that event.  I mean igniting Sparks figuratively…and I mean the Sparks of this whole crew.”

            Rodimus opened his mouth to say something and then closed it, looking down at his hand.  Of course it wasn’t on his avatar’s hand…it was on his real form’s hand.  There were times when he kept thinking of erasing it from his hand…he’d thought he’d done it once before, because Ratchet had chided him…but must have soon carved the numbers back into his hand.  He didn’t want to forget how he had let them all down just **_one single time_**.    “I’m just wandering the galaxy looking for a legend that probably doesn’t exist…everyone is probably pretty stupid for following a jerk like me…” he whispered, staring at his human palm, as if the numbers would appear there, too.

            “You’re calling a crew of a couple hundred Cybertronians _‘stupid’_ …I don’t believe you just honestly said that, after what happened on Injher 7 last week,” Megatron sighed softly, drooping his head for a moment.

            Rodimus looked over at him, curiously.  “That kind of stuff was actually pretty common…we ran into stuff like that a lot when we first left Cybertron,” he responded shrugging, not really understanding what Megatron was getting at.  They’d seen situations like that all the time.  It was practically commonplace for the crew of the _Lost Light_.

            “How many have you lost since you left Cybertron the first time?”  Megatron inquired, folding his arms and gazing intently at Rodimus.

            “Seven have died, ten have left on their own…and six more joined up,” Rodimus answered, quickly and honestly.   “Not to mention the handful of betrayals and psychological issues………” he added with a soft sigh.

            “I bet you can name every single one of them,” Megatron said, smiling.  But before Rodimus could answer that in one way or another, Megatron went on.  “ _That_ is what I mean…you have inspired others.  They fight for you…they fight for their fellow crew members…and they fight for the cause.  That’s how the war began, you know…a situation like that.”

            “I don’t want to cause a war,” Rodimus whispered, sadly.

            “Of course not.  Most normal people _don’t_ want to start wars.  But you have proven you are a more than capable leader should circumstances call for it,” Megatron said.  “Starscream and Windblade are struggling against one another…ironically, they both want the same thing, just that Starscream is a bit selfish and wants some **_fame_** out of it.  But there are going to be Cybertronians who _don’t_ want the _Pax Cybertronia_ to happen.  Perhaps you are not starting a war…but you are leading others away from a growing conflict, and on a different path than where Cybertron is going.”  Megatron reached over and laid his hands on Rodimus’ shoulders.  “You are giving them an _alternative_ to a possible new war…you are igniting Sparks to look beyond Cybertron and _conquering_ the universe in one form or another…and you are leading them to find their own ways.”

            “You’re being ridiculously sappy and adding filler to a pretty boring life-story that you don’t really know anything about,” Rodimus sighed softly, lightly smacking Megatron’s hands away from him.

            “Injher 7 was the first time I got to see you in action…as a leader…you seem to do well in stress situations.  You take charge easily and you hand out orders fast.  You also seem to evaluate decisions quickly and decide on what to do pretty quickly,” Megatron said, shrugging and leaning back on his palms.  “There are the kinds of leaders who need time to make decisions…there are the kinds of leaders who can think fast, too.  There are those leaders who rely on the opinions of others to make the decisions they make in the end, as well.  There are also tacticians who work best on the field and there are tacticians who work best off the field.  You seem to have the better of these qualities inside of you…you can think fast, you can evaluate a good course of action off the field as well.  Ultra Magnus told me you’ve lectured him several times over the years about who is in charge on this ship.”

            “Well…I just don’t want anyone getting in my way of finding the Knights of Cybertron,” Rodimus responded with a light chuckle, laughing it off as he seemed to often do.

            “But you _won’t_ sacrifice everyone in your way to do it…in fact, you do your best to keep everyone safe on this little quest of yours,” Megatron added.  “Rung tells me you’ve also made yourself exempt from psychiatric evaluation on the ship…I have a hunch why you do it, but I’d like to hear you explain it yourself.”

            “I don’t like people digging around inside my head, that’s all.  A Captain’s got to have some kind of perks to the job,” Rodimus laughed, shrugging non-chalantly.

            “Then I **_will_** say it,” Megatron sighed.  “Whatever reason you have for this stupid attitude you present to the crew, I don’t get it.  But you’re not silly and you’re not stupid…so I honestly don’t understand why you _act_ like it.  It just makes people dislike you…and I have no idea why you’re doing it.”

            “I’m not _acting_ like anything…” Rodimus began, protesting with a large sigh.

            “Then are you an _idiot savant_?…………because that is something I highly doubt,” Megatron snapped back.  “Ah, then you must be a **_masochist_** …you must enjoy people tearing you apart.”

            “You don’t know _anything_ about me……………….” The younger Cybertronian whispered, getting upset and somehow feeling very sad right now.

            “You’re right, I don’t…and that’s why I’m asking you to **_tell me_**.   This is quite frustrating.  I came on board and thought you were a juvenile, lazy little mechanism…and then I saw these flashes of something more from you and thought that I was wrong—that everyone around me was wrong,” Megatron sighed.  “I’m _not_ wrong, I **_know_** I’m not…I’ve known a lot of people in my time online, I don’t understand why you’re pretending to be stupid and carefree like this.”

            “There’s been enough of the Primes.  Enough of the Megatrons…the old Megatron, not **_you_** …the one who led the enemy during the war.  But a lot of people want freedom…and claim freedom is something they have when _no one_ is above them in rank or pay grade,” Rodimus said, very slowly and choosing his words very, very carefully.   “But…that is nothing but chaos.  You _cannot_ **_NOT_** have someone overseeing everybody else.  Making sure there are rules and regulations that are followed…so that everyone can live that _normal_ life.  I created a leader figure that…people would obey, but not really pay much attention to on a daily basis.  They had a focus to lay blame on, when things went bad…without the fear of that leader retaliating negatively on them, maybe just a bit of whining to show I’m peeved.  It wasn’t difficult…most people knew me as a bit ADHD, a bit carefree…so most people don’t really see me as someone lording it over them, but I’m the idiot in charge so they know I am the one to blame when things go wrong.  In that sense…I am also the one to turn to in the stressful situations…it’s just a natural sense to do so, right?”  He added, looking up at Megatron, a serious look on his face.  “So…let them laugh at me when I do something silly…let them blame me when they have a bad day…but also let them know that I’ll **_do_** _**something**_ when it needs to be done, I won’t delegate it when I should handle it.”

            Megatron smiled warmly at Rodimus.  “ _That’s_ it.  **_That’s_** what I wondered,” he chuckled softly.  “But might I say…you are an utter moron to present a leader like that.  I understand where you’re coming from…you’re trying to be everyone’s best friend, even as you lead them down a new road.  But if someone screws up…they _shouldn’t_ blame you, just because you’re the convenient figurehead.  It shows how juvenile **_they_** are in the end.”  Megatron folded his arms and gazed intently at Rodimus.  “So…this quest is really more than _just_ finding the Knights of Cybertron…and that’s the real reason you’re not in any big hurry to do so.  What is the _real reason_ that you…Hot Rod…nay, **_Rodimus_** of Nyon…what is the true reason you are out here in the middle of nowhere?”

            “I **_want_** to find the Knights,” Rodimus answered, plainly and simply.

            “It is not your **_only_** reason,” Megatron countered.

            “Before the war…and during the war…most of us never got to see more than the battlefields.  I want to see _more_ than Cybertron.  _More_ than that silly little blue Earth planet.  I **_want_** to see the wonders of the universe,” Rodimus whispered.   “I was just a racer back on Cybertron, before getting smashed into being a soldier in the war.  The only stars I saw were in the sky.   The endpoint of the quest will let me see the universe along the way.   You should understand that no one really came on this ship for this silly quest, even I knew that back at the start…most came for their own _personal_ reasons.  The quest just gave everyone an excuse to run away from Cybertron.”

            “Even _me_ ,” Megatron said, smiling.  “Starscream would not be beyond hiring an assassin to get me in prison, so if I remained there I’d be dead before you found the Knights and my trial could continue.  I decided to come along to make sure you found the Knights of Cybertron and get to the end of things, back when I joined your crew…but somewhere along the way, I found I simply wanted to get away from Cybertron and just be _myself_.   I think **_you_** should be yourself, Rodimus…even if you’re not silly and funny, like you try to make everyone think you are.”

            “If you really want me to believe you and trust you, Megatron…I want you to turn over that briefcase of Brainstorm’s that Ravage took and gave to you,” Rodimus said, seriously.  “Until then…I only believe you’re trying to outrun your fate and throw us all under your tank treads.”

            “How many know about that?”  Megatron asked, surprised when Rodimus said it.

            “I suppose Magnus may know, Nightbeat figures out a lot of stuff…but as far as I know, I’m the only one who _definitely_ does,” Rodimus said with a shrug.  “I play my cards close to my chest…as you can guess.  And I can play the waiting tactics game as well as anyone else…even if nobody can guess that of me.  I _want_ people to underestimate me, because then they have no idea how **_awesome_** I’m going to be.”

            “ _Primus!_   You are so… ** _funny_**.  And I mean that in both contexts,” Megatron laughed out loud.  “You are the most appealing Cybertronian I’ve known in a very long time…” he murmured, leaning forward and placing a hand alongside Rodimus’ avatar’s human face.

            Rodimus was stunned when Megatron caressed him like that and pressed his avatar’s lips against his own.  Though the avatars didn’t have a full range of sensory functions, they all had basic and rudimentary sensations of touch.  Right now, Megatron was a little bit forceful with his kiss, pressing his avatar’s tongue deep into Rodimus’ mouth.  And the stupid ex-Decepticon was grinning eagerly as he pulled away, which annoyed Rodimus a little bit.

            “Seriously…what the hell was _that_ for and what was that about?” Rodimus growled, reflexively brushing his avatar’s mouth in disgust with the back of his hand, as if he’d partaken of a spoiled Engex cocktail.

            “I have to explain that?  **_Really_**?”  Megatron chuckled.  “Think about everything we’ve just discussed for the past couple hours and tell me you honestly have no idea that I am hitting on you right here and right now.”

            “ _Hnnnn_ …that’s what I thought it was,” Rodimus mumbled, furiously.  “You are completely **_unbalanced_** …seriously…you’re wasting your time…” he sputtered angrily.

            Megatron pushed Rodimus down on the bed, pinning him beneath his own body.  “I doubt that…it isn’t like I have a whole lot of time anyways…and wasting it with you could actually be _enjoyable_ ,” he chuckled, leaning towards the younger Cybertronian’s face with his own, for another kiss.  But he was taken aback as he saw something akin to fear cross the young human avatar’s features.  He instantly held back and sat up.  “What’s wrong?”  He asked, with great concern.   The last thing he wanted to do was make things a lot worse between them…so no matter how he felt, he had to hold himself in check and let Rodimus accept things, to eventually accept **_him_**.

            “I _don’t_ want to get close to anyone… ** _never_** …don’t you understand?  I just spent nearly an hour explaining to you the method of my attitude that I show everyone, which you said you understood…but clearly you _haven’t_ got a clue,” Rodimus whispered, looking up at Megatron briefly before turning away and rolling onto his side, to look away from the older Cybertronian entirely.  “Leave me alone…I **_hate_** you.”

            Megatron sighed softly.  He didn’t want to hear _that_ at all.  “Rodimus, don’t pout like this.  I **_do_** understand…but I think you’re being ridiculously stubborn,” he began, gently placing a hand on Rodimus’ upturned shoulder and patted it soothingly.

            “You really _don’t_ understand anything…you are being selfish, looking for something **_you_** want because **_you_** are all about **_you_** ,” Rodimus mumbled sadly.  Inwardly, he felt seriously embarrassed …because he’d let down his guard around Megatron and he couldn’t even understand why he’d so completely relaxed around this older Cybertronian that he’d pretty much hated all his life because of the war.

            Megatron sighed again.  He didn’t know what to say…truthfully, he _was_ acting just like that.  His life was limited…and he was trying to do everything he could, feel everything he could feel, and experience everything he could possibly experience before his life ended.

            “Maybe you’re right…maybe a little bit of me **_is_** being selfish,” Megatron murmured, rubbing Rodimus’ shoulder a bit more.  “I’m grasping at… ** _something_** …that might be my only chance to experience something worth holding.  I’ve known a lot of Cybertronians in my lifetime…I’ve never met someone like you—someone who frustrates me as much as appeals to me.”

            Rodimus turned over to look up at Megatron.  “Why me?”  He asked, curiously. 

            “I don’t really know.  I never thought much of you…we never acted much in synch with all the things we’d been doing since I came aboard the _Lost Light_.  We were usually separate and doing other things…until Injher 7 last week,” Megatron said.  “I watched you fight…I watched you lead…I watched you be the most intelligent tactician I’ve ever known all in a few moments.  You were **_amazing_**.”

            “I _told_ you I was awesome,” Rodimus chuckled warmly, smiling up at Megatron happily.

            “Indeed,” Megatron responded, smiling down at Rodimus and leaning forward over him again.  “Don’t you want to have one true love relationship in your lifetime…can’t **_I_** be that one?”  He murmured, brushing his avatar’s lips over Rodimus’, gently.

            “Why are you so intent on doing all this while we’re in _avatar_ form?  Did you spend too long immersed among the humans on Earth?”  Rodimus asked, curiously, lifting a hand and lightly brushing Megatron’s cheek.

            “I suppose right now…it’s because it’s more of a _privacy_ issue.  Although our real bodies are recharging on the AR beds on the ship…our consciousnesses are here and we’re alone together.  We don’t get this kind of opportunity on the ship,” the older Cybertronian replied, kissing Rodimus with light brushes of his lips up the line of Rodimus’ neck and jaw.

            “I’m not going to say this will become something permanent…but right now, I’m going to claim a bout of space madness and indulge you…” Rodimus murmured, pushing gently on Megatron’s shoulder as he sat up.  “However…I will compromise in this fashion, just for you and for right now.  You may **_have_** me…but I will be **_on top_**.”

            Megatron’s reddish-brown eyes widened in surprise as Rodimus pushed him back towards the pillows.

            “I will **_not_** be beneath you,” Rodimus said fiercely as he leaned over Megatron and altered the coding of his avatar to be nude from the waist down, leaving on only the red tee-shirt…doing it so easily that Megatron wondered if Rodimus had known how to alter his avatar all along.  “But I will allow you to have the gender dominant position by taking your avatar’s manhood into my avatar’s body.”

            “I accept your willingness…if having this moment meant I had to submit my avatar’s body to yours, I would likely do it to gain your acceptance,” Megatron murmured tenderly as he caressed Rodimus’ cheek lightly.  “But that you choose compromise in _this_ fashion pleases me indeed.”

 

 

~

 

 

            The remaining hours of the night passed fast, as the two Cybertronians used their avatar bodies to experiment in many ways.   Becoming close and intimate in ways that Cybertronians could not do in their own natural bodies.   The semblance of the human forms allowed them both to drop their guards and express things to one another that they felt they could never express to one another in their natural bodies.

            After struggling to hold up a mask of goofiness and selfishness that made people trust him, even as they made fun of him…it felt good for Rodimus just to relinquish himself to another being and let go of everything.  To just stop thinking entirely and just feel primitive emotions.  After they had finally parted their bodies, Megatron laid beside him, gently caressing Rodimus’ brow and brushing fingers through his avatar’s soft brown hair…the older Cybertronian seemed rather emotionally needy.  The two of them, they both had masks they’d struggled so hard to keep in place…personalities they showed to everyone around them…and both hid the truth of their very selves deep within their Sparks.  Right now, they could be open and honest with each other…because eventually this brief time would end and they’d go back to wearing their masks among all the others on the ship and whoever they met from now on.

            Rodimus was lonely…and Megatron was emotionally needy, their emotions resonated with one another for this single night.  The younger Cybertronian turned towards Megatron and embraced the older Cybertronian with a soft sigh.

            “It’s over.  Morning is here,” he murmured quietly.  Gently he patted Megatron’s avatar’s bare back between the shoulderblades.  “Sorry about that.”  Then Rodimus pulled away, rolled over and sat up on the edge of the bed.  He stood up, concentrated for a few moments…dressed his avatar in the normal outfit and stretched, although it was an unnecessary action…and again, did it so easily that Megatron had to wonder if Rodimus could really adjust his avatar so easily all along and pretended to make it seem difficult.   As he seemed to pretend a lot of things about himself.

            Megatron sighed as well, drowning his sigh in the pillow.  Then he scooted to the edge of the bed, clothing his avatar as he stood up and tossed his head back-and-forth in the motion of stretching his neck.  He reached over to touch Rodimus’ shoulder and the younger Cybertronian smacked the hand away with a dangerous warning glare.  Megatron frowned, so it was merely because they were alone for this one night…Rodimus wouldn’t let it go any further than that…?   He let out a sigh of disappointment, shoulders drooping in dejectedness.

            “I think I made it clear I didn’t want anything to go beyond that,” Rodimus said, saying Megatron’s thoughts aloud and chiding the older Cybertronian sharply…a tone of bitterness and regret in his voice.  “We **_don’t_** feel the same way.  You’re living like someone who is dying…and I’m just trying to live and not die.  You get me to submit and contract a lifetime bond with you…tell me, who is the one who’s going to suffer most at your execution?  It’s **_not_** going to be you, for certain.  I’ve…seen too many who’ve lost a life-partner and I don’t like seeing that…and I certainly don’t want to live through that, either.”   He turned away from Megatron and waves of sadness enveloped him.

            Megatron would regret saying it…but he really _wanted_ Rodimus to know how he felt…

            “Run away with me,” Megatron said.  “We can simply make the _Lost Light_ go on forever without making it to Cyberutopia…we can run away from Cybertron and that fate.  **_You’re_** the captain of that ship, it goes where **_you_** want it to go.”

            Rodimus let out the largest sigh anyone had ever heard, turning around and clamping his hands down harder than he intended on Megatron’s shoulders.  “I **_know_** that no one is seriously looking for Cyberutopia…but we can’t just abandon that quest, it was the reason to run away from Cybertron to begin with.  It **_is_** the eventual endpoint of this quest.  As long as I’m on that ship…I’ll get us to Cyberutopia, because that is what I _promised_ ,” he said, softly.  “It was what I promised them all, Megatron…I’m _not_ going back on that…I’ll get us to the Knights of Cybertron or I’ll die trying.”  He looked up into Megatron’s red-but-brown colored eyes.  “Stop and do the right thing for once in your life, don’t throw everyone ahead of you to avoid your fate.  You keep saying you’re ready to face it…yet you are doing everything you can to avoid it.   You’re **_not_** ready to die, even if you say you’ve already accepted your death.  Figure out what is in your own Spark before trying to win someone else’s…” the younger Cybertronian trailed off.

            Then Rodimus turned about and walked towards the door, he held up his left hand and waved it in a lightly dismissive gesture.

            “And to answer your unasked question…I was very close with someone before and it ended on a rather horrible note.  There’s good in a relationship……………..and there’s also very, **_very_** bad,” the younger Cybertronian said softly.  “I’m tired and I don’t want to deal with that again.  Between you and I… ** _this_** won’t happen again, either.  Life just sucks, accept that and move on.”

            Megtron sighed softly as he watched Rodimus open the door and walk out of the room.  In another moment he steeled himself up and followed the younger Cybertronian.

 

 

~

 

 

            “Rodimus…you are the _best_!”  Nautica gushed happily, hugging Rodimus for an instant.

            “Of **_course_** I am,” Rodimus laughed.  “Talk to the Chancellor, tell him how much you would like and he’ll broker a deal with some of the stuff we’ve got in our hold to trade with.  Or make up the balance with some of the shanix in our savings, whatevs.”   The younger Cybertronian waved back at them and whistled as he strolled down the corridors and headed to the bridge.

            Megatron frowned as he watched Rodimus leave the AR suite.  Nautica caught the frown on the older Cybertronian’s face and wondered what was wrong.

            “Did you two get along okay down on the surface?”  The female Camien asked, curiously.

            “Relatively speaking, yes…we got along fine,” the older Cybertronian said to the younger Camien.  “Don’t worry.  Everything is normal…talk to Chancellor Aiyn, tell him what you need.  If you’d like, you could use the AR suite and take your avatar down to talk to him personally or you can use the communications network to contact him.”

            After lightly patting Nautica’s shoulder, Megatron walked out of the AR suite and went to Rung’s office.  He saw the light over the door, meaning the psychiatrist was having a session with a patient…so he leaned against the wall opposite of the door and waited patiently for the session to end.   Rodimus had a relationship…or something that amounted to one…before.  On the ship?  Before…on Cybertron?  A long time ago…when he first came online?  It did explain why Rodimus had first tried pushing him away…why he said he never wanted to get close to anyone at all.

            Megatron didn’t even notice Brainstorm leaving the psychiatrist’s office, but looked up from his staring at the floor when Rung addressed him.  “Megatron, did you need something?”  The very old Cybertronian inquired softly.

            “Do you have a few moments?  I’d like to talk with you and ask some questions…if that is all right,” the ex-Decepticon said.

            “Sure, come on in,” Rung responded, motioning into his office.  When he closed the door, he made sure that the sign was lit, notifiying people to not disturb while a patient talk was in session.

            “How much do you know about Rodimus?” Megatron asked, sitting on the edge of the bed that was there for patients.

            “Other than his former name was Hot Rod, he was a racer in Nyon before the war escalated…and he’s a little bit on the crazy side…I really don’t know much about him.  At least not beyond his filed service record.   He won’t agree to a psychiatric evaluation, he claims Captain’s Privilege,” Rung said, sitting down in his chair and relaxing a little bit.   “He seems very flamboyant and silly, but also very secretive.”   He looked at the floor for a few moments before adding something else.  “The few times I have spoken to him, just…spoken with him, I suppose…he seems to be in a very dark place inside, I think.   But it isn’t unusual for those who participated so actively in the war.”

            “Ah.  So you **_haven’t_** really noticed it then,” Megatron chuckled, realizing Rung had no clue what his subtle words were leading towards.  “Was Rodimus involved with someone on the ship before I came on board?”   He asked very straightforwardly.

            “Are you asking if he had a _Conjunx Endura_?  I’m afraid I don’t know that…the only people he ever spent any amount of time with are Ultra Magnus.  Oh…and Drift before he left,” Rung replied, trying to think of who Rodimus was ever hanging out with on the ship.  He realized Rodimus never really spent time in any individual’s company…mostly he hung out at group functions that tended to be loud and noisy, where even if he acted crazy, not a single person would notice it.   “Drift was…a real mess of a Cybertronian, emotionally and mentally—he tried to take on the weight of everybody’s sins, whether they wanted him to or not.  But a lot of people were angry with Rodimus when Drift got banished from the ship, it was complicated.  There was the crisis vote.”

            Megatron tilted his head curiously.  “What happened?  Was this the issue with Overlord?”  He asked.

            “It was.  That was the worst thing that ever happened on the ship.  The Rewind that was on our ship was killed then…and others…so many hurt and injured.   Drift took the blame and said Prowl had asked him to bring Overlord on board and take him away,” Rung explained, as simply as he could of the whole situation.  “The truth came out later, but……….it was too late then.”

            “Chromedome told me that Prowl had pretty much forced Rodimus to take Overlord.  Isn’t that right?  So what happened was that Drift was trying to take on the weight of everybody’s sins?”  Megatron inquired, realizing there were definitely different viewpoints on that particular situation.

            “Likely so.  But a lot of people felt Rodimus should have owned up to it and be the leader he’s supposed to be,” Rung answered, shrugging.   “Afterwards, the crew demanded a reckoning.   89 members of the crew demanded Rodimus be replaced…most probably would’ve preferred him to be killed, rather than exiled or something.   Rodimus refused to speak to anyone about the issue, but I have a feeling there may have been more to it, given his odd relationship with Drift.   Rodimus is odd……..he is liked and he is also not very liked at all.”

            “Almost half of the original crew number,” Megatron murmured, thoughtfully.  “And no one thought to ask Rodimus how he felt?  About everything?”  He asked, curiously.  “No one sought the truth of the situation?”  Megatron said, simply and directly.   “You don’t think that he possibly wanted to take the blame?”

            “What do you mean?”  Rung asked, puzzled.

            “So…you’ve all decided that just because he’s in charge, he doesn’t feel anything.  Just because he _acts_ like a moron…he _must be_ a moron, because that’s the way he **_acts_** ,” Megatron said, a bit of an angry snap in his voice.  Now he saw what Rodimus was getting at with his little mask of stupidity.  No wonder Rodimus was an emotional mess inside…no wonder he kept it all buried inside of him!  He _pretended_ things didn’t matter to him and he acted silly…all the while, behind the scenes, he kept forging ahead and worked on keeping the crew safe and let them have normal lives.  The scars that must be inside of him…Megatron understood what that meant and how it felt.   Sometimes being a leader meant you were sacrificing everything about your very self and that’s what Rodimus had done……………..he didn’t let anyone know what he was really like, because he _needed_ to have people believe in him.   He wouldn’t let anyone get close, he apparently tried a relationship and it wound up hurting him badly in the end.

            “It was all Drift’s fault………..… ** _damn it_** ,” Megatron muttered, standing up.  “The one time Rodimus wanted to be a leader, the one time he’d actually prepared himself for…Drift took that away by making Rodimus blame him.  The one thing Rodimus **_never_** wanted to do to anyone.  No wonder he’s like this…and Drift had to have been…….. ** _damn it_**.”

            “Megatron……..what’s going on?”  Rung asked, worried at the annoyance and anger in Megatron’s voice.

            “Ah, sorry, Rung,” Megatron apologized softly.  “Everyone should have trusted in Rodimus a bit more…that’s what I think.  He really has everyone’s lives at the front of his priorities.  Instead…he withdrew into himself…rather than becoming the leader he’d been working towards.  Drift’s selfishness ruined everything…………and Rodimus had no choice but to blame him.”

            “Are you saying that Rodimus isn’t………what he appears to be?”  Rung asked, extremely curious at what Megatron was getting at right now.

            “I’m surprised nobody else has noticed…you’ve all been with him for far longer than I have, he seems to let his true self slip in the crisis situations,” Megatron said with a warm chuckle.  “You’ve never noticed how composed and serious he is when things are going to hell all around him?  That’s the leader in him…the _real_ Rodimus—the one that probably actually deserves to be called a **_‘Prime’_**.”

            Rung stopped to think about his few interactions with the younger Cybertronian who brought them all together on this ship.  At the start…the surprise quantum jump that threw them out into the universe so randomly…Rung remembered watching Rodimus speak with Ultra Magnus and Drift quietly before addressing the crew.  Then he told them the facts…in a far kinder way than just saying some Cybertronians had simply died, but he did not lie and say everything was fine, either.   There was also the time…before Overlord got free…when Rung had thought Rodimus had blown him off.  But he was trying to keep the secret to protect everyone.  If Rodimus had come on board and just told everyone that Overlord was being stored below decks at the behest of Prowl—there would have been a mutiny at the start…rather than the mutiny that came later, after Drift was banished.  Rodimus…for all his silliness…was also one of the few crew members who always called him by his real name of “Rung” and not some strange mutation of his name or give him a weird nickname, as most tended to do.   Rodimus thought that Fortress Maximus was a major threat and wanted him disabled, even though it appeared Rung had talked him down—and then that incident happened.  He remembered talking to Rodimus after the incident with Overlord and had tried doing some psychological work in those few moments…….…and he’d essentially accused Rodimus of being angry that he had not been the one to subdue Overlord, basing his assumption upon Rodimus sense of pride…but now he wondered if he might have been wrong at why Rodimus was really angry.  Had Rodimus been… _involved_ with Drift?  Had Rodimus been angry because he didn’t get to take the blame… _and had to exile someone he cared about_ …all at the **_same time_**?   It seemed that in the crisis situations, Rodimus was considering the numbers…the least amount of damage to best protect the crew.   He was actually being a **_realist_** …he knew that nothing was without a price—he was just trying to cut the costs of that price as much as he could.  He might be rough and not explain everything to everybody…but he was doing all the scenarios in his head—how could someone run through every scenario and work with the best possible one so quickly?

            “He should come and talk to me, I’m very worried at how he’s keeping all of that inside of him without an internal meltdown,” Rung said, very softly.

            “I think he’s already had that internal meltdown…I think it happened when he had to banish Drift,” Megatron responded, looking down at the psychiatrist.  “I think his insides are all battered and scarred, but I think he’s still trying to do what’s best for the ship and the crew and the mission.”  Megatron folded his arms and gave a little sigh, shaking his head with frustration.  “He wants to find the Knights of Cybertron more than anything…but he also wants to keep exploring the universe, too.  He doesn’t want to be tied down to Cybertron…he’s tired of being kept in the dark of wonders of the universe.”

            “Do you think he will become a danger to the ship if he’s allowed to keep going, with it all buried inside of him?” Rung asked, looking up at Megatron.

            “No…he’ll **_never_** let a failure like that happen.  He **_loves_** this ship and the crew and the quest.  You really have no idea how much he cares about all of you here,” Megatron answered.  “He’ll just hold it in…letting it rot him all on the inside.  Maybe that’s another reason for him…to find the Knights of Cybertron, that is…….…so that he can finally let go and deal with everything inside of him?  Maybe he thinks that they can help him heal and become better?”  He posed as a query that he was sure he’d never hear an answer to from anyone.

 

 

*      *      *     *     *

 

 

       _“What are you doing?” A familiar voice whispered in my ear.  Even though most sounds were muffled beneath the waters of my grief, this voice was crisp and clear to me._

_I closed my eyes and tried to ignore that voice, willing myself to sink even deeper into the depths of my grief.  Suddenly hands gripped my shoulders and stopped me from falling any further.  I felt a vague presence behind me._

_“Seriously now, **what** are you doing?  Do you think this is the right answer?”  The voice said, a hint of annoyance in the tone._

_“It’s the only answer…it’s the only answer I have right now,” I responded, sadness and anguish filling my very being._

_A massive sigh from the voice behind me.  That one had sighed like that a lot around me.  There were times when I’d laugh at that sigh and times when I’d try to be more reassuring to the one who let out that sigh.   Those moments were so normal and so real…moments I’d never had before meeting that one.  I missed those moments…I missed them more than I could ever really express……_

_“I’d prefer that you **not** go through with this…you have a lot more to live for,” the voice encouraged, hands squeezing my shoulders gently.  “Seeing you so broken makes me eternally sad.”_

_It was strange, I knew the voice so deeply, so intimately.  But I couldn’t seem to turn my head and verify that the voice speaking to me and the hands on my shoulders were the ones that belonged to the one I had loved.  It was the way this vison was to be…I could see and comprehend certain things for what they were, but I could not interact or change any of the environment.  It was not done explaining my life to me, yet._

 

 

*      *      *      *      *

 

 

            “Rodimus has not come to the bridge yet?”  Ultra Magnus asked, puzzled.  He looked at the chronometer and saw that now the younger Cybertronian was nearly 30 minutes late for his shift in the Captain’s Chair.

            Megatron shrugged and shook his head.  “Would you go check on him?”  He asked.  At Ultra Magnus’ hesitation, he made a sweeping hand motion across the bridge.  “I think Blaster, Riptide and Perceptor can keep an eye on me while you check on the co-captain,” Megatron chuckled softly.

            Ultra Magnus sighed softly and walked down the corridor to Rodimus’ quarters.   Something odd had been going on between Megatron and Rodimus lately…it was no longer the constant quarreling that it had been when Megatron came aboard.  Nor the consistent avoidance of each other, so very purposefully.   It was almost like………….Rodimus were embarrassed about something that happened between them and avoiding Megatron because of that.   But what could have happened?  Was it on Meruvin a little while back?

            Magnus pressed the intercom buzzer and announced himself.  When he didn’t receive an answer, he hesitantly entered the room and saw Rodimus just pacing back-and-forth in front of the window.  He was muttering and making frustrated motions with his hands.   Like he was having a conversation with himself and losing the argument.  Ultra Magnus cleared his throat very loudly, in only the way that **_he_** could.

            Rodimus stopped and looked over at him, startled.  “Whoa!  Where’d **_you_** come from!?”  He gasped.

            “I tried the intercom and you didn’t answer.  You should’ve been up on the bridge for duty thirty minutes ago,” Ultra Magnus responded, his voice calm and even as it always was.

            Rodimus checked his chronometer and gave a small little curse.  “Sorry.  Been thinking about something…trying to get it out right…………” he trailed off.  “Ultra Magnus…you and I are friends, aren’t we?  I mean…maybe not _Amica Endurae_ , but…we are basically like **_friends_** , right?”  Rodimus asked, looking at the large Autobot hopefully.

            For a moment, Ultra Magnus thought of everything they’d been through…and out of everyone on the ship, he felt he may be the one who understood Rodimus the best, even though it sometimes felt like he didn’t understand Rodimus at all.  “I’d like to think that possibly maybe we are,” he answered, attempting a smile of reassurance.

            “Okay…okay…” Rodimus began trying to grab his thoughts and organize them in an instant.   “Ultra Magnus…I…ummm…” he trailed off, flexing his hands nervously.   “Look…I promised Megatron I’d think _really hard_ about it.  You know?  I think I’ve finally gone off the deep end, because I…I **_think_** I like Megatron a lot.  **_Damn_** …I sound so _stupid_ saying it aloud like this………….” He sighed, turning towards the wall and banging his head against it.

            Ultra Magnus was taken aback.  Was **_that_** what was going on?  Rodimus and Megatron were…trying to find a way to get together…to _bond_?  It explained the sudden awkwardness between the two of them.   Rodimus was much more awkward than Megatron was…and Megatron was simply trying to give Rodimus the space.   This seemed to be more complicated than it should for the two of them.   Was there anything he could do to help out…?   It would certainly make the environment between them and anyone on the ship if they would just get this worked out!

            “Have the two of you talked over this situation?”  Magnus asked, trying to keep his voice soft and amiable.

            “Eh?  Yeah………. _kinda_ , I guess.   **_He’s_** done most of the talking, I’ve done most of the avoiding.  I dunno…I like him, but…there’s the…you know, that trial thing we eventually have to get back to,” Rodimus sighed, waving a hand and wriggling his fingers in a vague motion.  “Should I really accept his offer of a bonding when……..…he’s pretty much on the execution block?”  He turned away from Ultra Magnus again and banged his head on the wall with embarrassment.   “I don’t wanna wind up like Chromedome…when Rewind died…that would be the worst thing for me, **_ever_** …” the younger Cybertronian mumbled anxiously, facing towards the wall and not looking at his friend.   He stopped banging his head, because he was starting to get a headache.   He had a strange feeling, a sense of déjà vu, when he said that thing about _Conjunx Endura_ and partnerships, but he couldn’t explain what that feeling was.

            Ultra Magnus walked over to Rodimus and gently laid a hand on his upper back, a gesture of consolation that he felt a little awkward at doing, but felt it was the right thing to do.  “There is _that_.   But if we find the Knights of Cybertron, they may also choose to see what Megatron has done here on the _Lost Light_ …they may find a way to alter the sentence from execution to something where he’s at least alive.  Maybe even make his penance staying here on this ship,” he said, firmly.

            Rodimus turned his head slightly to look at Ultra Magnus and gave a light snort.  “Pfft…never happen.  Not with the bloodthirsty mob back on Cybertron,” Rodimus sighed, now concentrating on grinding his head against the wall in angst.   “I’m a fatalist, Magnus…the Knights may take into consideration the good Megatron has done here on my ship, but…………they’re going to fulfill the wishes of the majority of Cybertron,” he added, sighing softly.

            Then Rodimus straightened up and stretched his arms and neck tiredly.  He smiled at Ultra Magnus and then went towards the door without saying anything else.

            “Oh, **_hell_** …………..I can’t go to the bridge if Megatron’s still there, I’m too much of a mess to even look at him,” Rodimus moaned, stopping before opening the door.  “Can you go ahead…and let him know I’ll be there in fifteen…and ask him to leave the bridge before me?”  He asked, smiling at Magnus.

            “All right,” Ultra Magnus responded, walking out of Rodimus’ hab suite and heading for the bridge.  He leaned in towards Megatron to quietly let him know.  “Rodimus will be here shortly…he wants you to leave the bridge in my hands for a few moments.  He’s very………torn up inside.  About what you two have been talking over.  It would be best if you could avoid him for a little bit, to let him think some more on things.”

            Megatron gave a soft chuckle and stood up.  “All right.  He’s just _young_ , he’ll figure things out soon,” he said softly to Ultra Magnus.  He was a bit surprised that Rodimus explained anything to the ship’s second-in-command.   “I hope it doesn’t upset you…what I’m asking of him.”

            “I’m mostly surprised, but…these things **_do_** happen unexpectedly,” Ultra Magnus chuckled softly.   They seemed to happen _often enough_ on this particular ship.   “All I can say is, **_good luck_**.  It’s likely going to be a bumpy road ahead.”

            Megatron walked out into the corridor and saw Rodimus kind of hovering-hiding behind a corner.  It wouldn’t do any good to pressure him or embarrass him, so he just smiled in the general direction and went off towards his quarters.  After Megatron walked away, Rodimus quickly went onto the bridge and put on a normal composure before sitting down. 

            “Welcome,” Perceptor said, nodding at Rodimus.  The sentiment was echoed by the bridge crew.  “We got some messages from Meruvin, Kaleh and Bryke about potential future trading with them.  I have some evaluations of the stellar phenomina from the area we just passed.  Riptide’s reports on the travel path and such are here as well,” Perceptor said, handing Rodimus a datapad with reports from the bridge crew.

            “Thanks…anything interesting I should know about?”  Rodimus asked.

            “Pretty standard daily routine, I think.  Sorry,” Perceptor chuckled.

            “Sounds about right.  Did we get some good footage of the quasar eruption or whatever that thing was the day before?   I’d really like to take a look at it and see what your data findings are…” Rodimus said, scrolling through the information on the datapad.   “It was pretty awesome to see.”

            “Indeed it was.  I have a brief of that in my report, but I can forward you the entire report if you’d like to read it, along with the captured footage,” the Autobot scientist reported happily.

            “Sounds great, thanks!”  Rodimus responded, grinning at Perceptor.

 

 

*      *      *      *      *

 

 

          _Back then…when he approached me for a relationship…I hadn’t really wanted to have anything like that.  I didn’t even know how to go about forging a lifelong bond as our kind had…the **Conjunx Endura**.  I knew many Cybertronians who had chosen their partners…and sometimes, when they lost one and couldn’t bear being alone, they looked for another to fill their emptiness.   I knew I had been close to others before and have felt so lost when they were gone from my life…………._

_Having gone through the whole process… **now** …and having lost my sparkmate…yeah, I knew what that emptiness was.  That’s what the sky was showing me here in this mental environment.  The emptiness and loneliness of eternity…so black and dark and………………empty.  The grief was all this water I was currently attempting to drown myself in—the grief I felt over losing the one whose presence I could now sense behind me, trying to stop me from drowning in my grief.  That’s what I couldn’t understand…why was my mind using **him** to stop me from dying?_

_If my mind had to generate anything, it should’ve probably been Ultra Magnus—he would’ve lectured me for the next two weeks and I’d promise to live **just** to get him to stop lecturing me._

_“Rodimus.  Don’t you want to live anymore?  Don’t you want to keep exploring the universe?”  His voice whispered to me._

_“My life has never been about what I wanted, was it?” I whispered back.  “The racetrack…the war…the peace…the **Lost Light.**   No wait…I did want to find the Knights of Cybertron…but…” I trailed off, trying to remember why I wanted to find the Knights and Cyberutopia.  What was it I had said to Bumblebee before I left?  What he laughed at me for?  “My reason was really stupid.  Thinking that immediately finding the Knights of Cybertron…they could make Cybertron’s peace true and perfect.  I should have listened to Bumblebee when he told me I was a moron.”_

         _“But you found them.  Maybe they couldn’t bring eternal peace to Cybertron…and maybe they don’t want to open Cyberutopia up as a haven for Cybertronians…but you found them and now you are free to do what you want,” my sparkmate whispered to me.  “You can finally explore the universe.”_

_Why didn’t he understand?  After we became sparkmates…exploring the universe was no longer what I wanted the most. **He** had become my entire universe._

_“There were four acts…and we kinda didn’t really follow them perfectly did we?  I mean…were we even legitimately **Conjunx Endura**?”  I murmured._

_“Rituals are important, but the act and emotions behind the rituals are what is real and eternal,” he chuckled softly.  “I believe we were true sparkmates.  Don’t you think so?”_

_I had grown tired of being lonely…and even though I knew he was going to die…in the end I took the risk of loving him.  I was as much at fault for my grief and anguish as he was for actually dying._

_I didn’t realize that the arms had been pushing me back up to the surface of the water and by the time I realized it, I was floating on the water again.  I could still feel him behind me, though…his hands on my shoulders and gentle whispers in my ear._

_“Damn straight we were sparkmates…why the hell would I miss you so much if we weren’t?”  I cried, loudly, hurting so much inside.  “Look…for Primus’ sake…look how empty it is up there!”  I snapped, waving a hand up at the sky.  “I’m alone **again** ………” I sobbed._

_**Again?**    Had I felt like this before?   This……horrible and awful loneliness?_

_“You don’t see them?”  He murmured, gently.  “All you see is darkness above you?”_

_It was blatantly obvious!  It was as black as the deepest depths of space…no, wait.  Something faint…a shimmer up in the sky above.  It was small, like a pinhole in black paper showing a light through it.  It was **small** …but there…there were **more**.  Tiny little spots of light that I didn’t see before…some a little bigger and brighter, some smaller and just as bright…there were **so many** up there.  Why had I not seen those lights before?_

          _“You ignite Sparks,” My sparkmate whispered to me.  “All of their Sparks…you set them alight, like the stars in space.”_

 

 

*      *      *      *      *

 

 

            After a number of years and some good many adventures…the return of friends and allies…the _Lost Light_ found Cyberutopia.  And the Knights of Cybertron.  The long mission had finally been completed…and unfortunately, that also meant that they would have to return to Cybertron to finish Megatron’s trial.  Three members of the Knights’ main council agreed to go to Cybertron with the _Lost Light_ …Master Nova, Master Coronus and Master Lunae…as well as their bodyguard, Sunblade, a warrior of high caliber.  The return to Cybertron had mixed feelings for all…the crew of the _Lost Light_ , the people of Cybertron and the council Starscream and Windblade had formed with members of all the Titan Colonies.

            And the trial was as predictable as it was always going to be.

            Rodimus sat in a private observation balcony with Ultra Magnus and Drift.  Rodimus adamantly sat facing away from the proceedings.  He listened…but he wasn’t going to watch this depressing turnout.  After an hour, Sunblade came onto the balcony to join them.

            “It seems a lot of darkness came to Cybertron after the original Knights left,” he murmured.  Sunblade was from a sparknest the Knights had taken with them, he came into life on Cyberutopia…so he was not a Cybertronian-born Knight of Cybertron.   “I am saddened that our kin had to endure this darkness for such a long time.”

            “Megatron founded the Decepticons, so many think he is to blame,” Ultra Magnus said.  “Optimus took over Megatron’s defense this time, I hope he’ll do his best to defend Megatron.”

            “The whole stupid thing started with the Primes and…then the whole Primus-be-damned Senate,” Rodimus muttered darkly, kicking at the floor in futility.  “It didn’t _really_ start with Megatron…and the war escalated due to **_both_** sides of the conflict.”   He looked up at Sunblade, desperately.  “What about the ones who _enjoyed_ the war…killed others for fun and pleasure?  Why aren’t **_they_** on trial?  No…clearly Cybertron wanted a figurehead and scapegoat to pin their problems on—and once that one is executed, everything will **_magically_** become perfect and normal!”   Then Rodimus leaned forwards, putting his head on his knees and cupping the back of his head.  “Maybe we should’ve run…maybe I could’ve convinced the crew to run with us…” he mumbled mostly to himself.

            Drift looked very sad as he gazed at Rodimus.  Ultra Magnus reached over and patted Rodimus’ back in consolation.  Sunblade sighed softly and placed his hands gently on Rodimus upper arms.

            All of the sudden there was a roar of approval that deafened the whole place…and Rodimus mumbled something very sad-sounding under his breath.  “You see…this is the end of everything.   This is what Cybertron and the Cybertronian race has come to.  This is what fueled _Pax Cybertronia_ …does everyone honestly want Cybertron to off and become conquerors of other worlds?  Do they know what they’re doing right now as they cheer for one single Cybertronian’s death?”  The younger Cybertronian said, firmly, as he sat straight and looked at the three on the balcony with him.  “Do they even understand what it is they’re fueling for the future?”  Rodimus whispered desperately.  “I _don’t_ want to be a part of this…I **_don’t want anything_** to do with Cybertron anymore…it can’t be helped, _they_ don’t want to be helped……………………” he trailed off.

            “Rodimus…when this is over, would you like to come to Cyberutopia and learn from the Knights of Cybertron?”  Sunblade asked softly.   “I know the elders don’t want the majority of Cybertronians to come to their world…not when they’re like **_this_** …but you and your crew worked hard to find us.  I think they’d offer you and your whole crew sanctuary, regardless of anything else.”

            “Thanks, Sunblade…but right now, I don’t know anything anymore.  I’ll have to see what the crew wants…or even if they want to be a crew anymore,” Rodimus said, trying to force a smile out to reassure Sunblade.  “The quest really is over…and maybe they’re all done with it, too.  I don’t know.”

            Drift gazed out over the trial proceedings and wondered at everything that had happened while he was gone…exiled from the _Lost Light_.  There were obvious things…………and not so obvious things.  “Rodimus…if you still want to go out into space… ** _I’ll_** go with you.  I have nowhere to be and I’m still trying to find myself even now…maybe I’ll find myself somewhere out there,” the ex-Decepticon said softly, hoping his leader could hear him.  He still hoped one day to finally make peace with Rodimus over what happened…he never realized how deeply he had hurt the younger Cybertronian back then.

            “I still want to explore as well,” Ultra Magnus said.  “I think Cybertron would tie me down and I’d feel constrained in a society like this.  I’d rather be out there, with the crew that I’ve become comfortable with over the past years.  I believe I need to find my place in the way things are now, as well.”

            Rodimus seemed surprised at both of their hope to keep continuing to journey around out in space.  “We’re not doing anything anymore, though…there’s no more goal to get to,” the younger Cybertronian responded, calmly.   “Are you sure you just want to go see some pretty lights and space explosions?”  He laughed, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms over the flame decoration that covered his chest.

            “There’s a lot more to do than that………and you made friends out there, or at least, **_allies_**.  Maybe they won’t care much for Cybertronians in general, but you’ve made them see those of the _Lost Light_ are their friends and you’ve struck bargains and trade agreements with them,” Ultra Magnus responded, smiling at Rodimus.   “Do you plan to let that all go to waste and make enemies of those planets you forged agreements with?”   Ultra Magnus chuckled softly.  “When Megatron had explained to me what was really going on behind the scenes in your head…I realized what an impressive leader you actually were.  You had this wild exterior persona and made everyone think you wanted to be the greatest and most heroic leader ever, but inside, you made all the right decisions that a true leader has to make.  The **_hard_** decisions.  Even if they might hurt a couple of people…you’d make those decisions for the benefit of **_everyone_** , you would not cater to an individual’s happiness.  You wanted to find a way to make the majority happy and safe and comfortable.  I wish I had realized that earlier, I don’t think I’d have been as hard on you as I always was.”

            Rodimus laughed warmly.  “Well…I always appreciated your lectures, even if I told you to not lecture me.  I used them…what you told me…pieced your recommendations into my ideas for making things work.  Everything and everyone was important to me on the ship…I appreciated all of you,” he added, smiling at Ultra Magnus.   “I know it doesn’t seem like it…the way I acted…but there were things that happened to me long ago and I knew I just didn’t want to get close to others.  There was…ummm…but…I really like being around others.  It’s sad, isn’t it?”  Rodimus chuckled, rubbing his temples a little in an attempt to relieve tension.

            “It just means you’re awkward at dealing with emotions,” Sunblade responded with a smile.  “That is not unusual for any living creature.”

 

 

*      *      *      *      *

 

 

     _“You ignite Sparks, I’ve always told you that…haven’t I?” Megatron murmured to me, as I gazed up at the darkness (that wasn’t quite empty) above me.  “I know you don’t realize it…but you believe in others and you inspire them.”_

_I wish I could see him…even if he was only able to be seen in that Earthling avatar form.  But I could not turn my head…I could only hear his voice and feel his touch on my shoulders.  It made me feel so sad…I wonder why I couldn’t look at him?  Why was my gaze was always facing forwards and why I could only see what was before me?  My own mind was torturing me with that…_

_“Why are you confused?  You still haven’t figured it out yet?”  He inquired, a light chuckle in his voice._

_“No…obviously not, old man,” I sighed, using my pet name I’d given him._

_“Until you figure it all out…until you realize and deal with everything…you know that you will still have to be here longer, right?”  Megatron laughed.  “You’re always such a smart-ass…so, **figure this out**!”_

 

*      *      *      *      *

 

            “Came to see me off, did you?”  Megatron chuckled as Rodimus walked down to the solitary confinement center of the prison wing on Cybertron.

            Rodimus stopped in front of Megatron’s cell, sighing softly.  “I won’t watch the execution, you know that, right?”  He inquired, softly.  Megatron nodded, reaching a hand through the bars to touch Rodimus’ shoulder.  “But…I’m going to stay with you tonight.  We can talk…maybe figure out what the _Lost Light_ can do back in space…stuff like that,” he added, sitting down near the edge of the doorframe area of the bars and slid a hand through, patting the space next to him inside of Megatron’s cell.

            Megatron walked over and sat down, taking Rodimus’ offered hand and holding it twined with his own.  They both leaned against the bars and their heads barely touched through the space between the bars.   “I _do_ want you to keep going…explore the universe like you’ve always wanted to do…I’m sorry that it will be without me though,” the ex-Decepticon said, chuckling.  “But…I also want to thank you for giving me some really great final years of my long life.  I truly appreciate that,” he added.

            “No problem, old man…I enjoyed it, too,” Rodimus answered, smiling and squeezing Megatron’s hand.  “I…really don’t know _what_ to do.  Things just feel very…grey and dull…to me right now.  By tomorrow I’ll probably feel black and empty.   My quest was a success…………and a colossal failure.  I **_hate_** Cybertron, now, more than ever………I used to love this place so much.   And who knows if anyone wants to just wander the universe with me?  If I don’t have Nautica…who will take care of the ship?  She’s the only one who really has any clue and knowledge of the quantum engines and how they work.  Drift and Magnus want to keep going…but I can’t fully man a ship like _that_ with just three crew members.”

            “I think you’ll be surprised, I think you’ll find that a lot of the crew will want to go back out there with you,” Megatron said, firmly.   “You ignite Sparks, after all…and you inspire them to find themselves in the universe.”

            Rodimus gave a sigh and a groan so close to one another that they seemed like a single sound.  “I don’t get why you keep saying that,” Rodimus mumbled.  “But…thanks.  You really brought out my best all these years…the things I was afraid to show others.  No…the things I had **_no intention_** of showing anyone.  I was content to do it all behind the scenes.”

            “You have a great Spark…you never needed to be a point-one percenter to be great, that’s only a myth,” Megatron chuckled.  “Now you just need to go out there and continue to do great things.  Maybe visit the Knights of Cybertron and learn from them for a while.  Make that like an extended shore leave.”  Then Megatron turned his body a little so he could extend his free hand through the bars and cup Rodimus’ face.  “And forgive Drift, all right?”  He asked, softly.  “It _wasn’t_ all his fault and you know that…it’s time you let that pain go.”

            “What?  Are you telling me to go and **_relinquish_** myself to him…so I won’t be alone or something?”  Rodimus growled, a little angry that Megatron would bring the subject up at this moment of all times.

            “Don’t twist the intentions of my words, Rodimus,” Megatron said firmly, grabbing Rodimus’ chin to make their optics meet.  “You’ve spent too much time being angry at what happened…and what **_never_** had the chance to happen.  Just talk to him and explain what his decision did to you…and then tell him that you are sorry things ever came to that point.  Like a **_good person_** would.”  Then Megatron gave a light laugh.  “Primus…I actually hope you _never_ relinquish yourself to anyone else…because I want you to find me in the afterspark, so we can be together again!”  He added, grinning at Rodimus.   “Honestly, though…what you choose to do and if you choose to bond with anyone else—it’s your choice and yours alone.”

            “You’re _stupid,_ you know that?” Rodimus sighed softly.  “There **_won’t_** be anyone else…….I didn’t even want there to be **_you_** , remember?”

            “Indeed.   But I’m glad for it, still…even now.  Especially now,” Megatron chuckled, leaning against the wall and thinking of all the good times they’d had.  All the crazy times, as well.   It was normal.  It was so normal that it was stupid and crazy.    “You know…………sometimes I wonder if this all even happened.  Maybe this already is the afterspark…and when Shockwave opened that portal to the Dead Universe through me, I had died.”

            “Oh, great…thanks for bringing me and my crew with you, then!”  Rodimus laughed.  “If this is the afterspark, then why are you going to be killed in it?  Don’t be dumb, old man.”   Rodimus also leaned against the wall and remembered all the times they had together.  “I suppose…if I really didn’t care about this place at all…I’d bust you out and we’d run for it.  I guess I do still care about Cybertron and the rules…at least a little bit.”

            “No matter how you feel about the ruling regime… _the planet_ is still home,” Megatron replied, chuckling softly.  “That will **_never_** change.”

            The hours passed…sometimes in silence.  Sometimes witty little banter was exchanged.  Sometimes stories and fond memories were shared.   They both kept an eye on their chronometers and when it was near the scheduled execution time, they both stood up and faced each other.   Megatron took Rodimus hands, gently, into his and held them.

            “Thank you for being mine, even for as short a time as it was, Hot Rod of Nyon,” the former Decepticon said quietly.

            “I told you I hated being called that, old man…………” Rodimus muttered, trying to hold back his anguish.  All he did was squeeze Megatron’s hands in return.

            Then they both heard footsteps echoing down the hall and knew that the time had come.  The two parted and watched as the execution staff, Sunblade, Optimus Prime and Windblade, as well as Starscream and his full entourage, entered the solitary cellblock area.

            “I cannot express my pleasure that **_finally_** Cybertron and its inhabitants will be rid of a menace like you, Megatron,” Starscream said, in as grandiose a voice as possible.  “To think that I…”

            Rodimus strode silently towards Starscream and punched him so hard that the current ruler of Cybertron was thrown against the far wall.  Rodimus stormed out of the cellblock area with no words at all, but he heard Megatron laughing heartily.

 

~

 

            “Rodimus?”  Ultra Magnus inquired, entering the observation deck and seeing Rodimus sitting on the sill of the massive window port.  The younger Cybertronian was just staring out the window in silence.  “I didn’t see you…so I came looking for you to see if you were all right.”

            Rodimus glanced over at Magnus and gave a light, but fake, smile.  “Ah…I’ll live, _unfortunately_ ,” he chuckled, a bit of dark humour in his voice.  “I already made it clear I wasn’t going to watch such stupidity,” he added, going back to looking out the window.

            Ultra Magnus gave a little sigh and walked over to where Rodimus was.   He leaned against the wall nearby and reached out a hand to pat the younger Cybertronian’s shoulder.  “Have you thought about what we’re going to do?  I got the intercommunications message about a re-launch this evening, so I assume we’re going back out there…” he trailed off, hopefully.

            “Well…we’ll have to wait and see how many come back, to be certain.  If we have enough to man the ship, we’ll go back out there,” Rodimus answered, reaching back to lightly pat Ultra Magnus’ hand.  “If we don’t…I’ll sell off the _Lost Light_ , I guess…”

            Then Rodimus swung his legs around to touch the floor and stretched.  He sighed deeply and stretched his arms back to lean on his palms.

            “Ultra Magnus…I’m not sure what I’m going to do yet.  If the crew comes back, then we’ll go back out and live our lives, free from Cybertron.  But…I don’t think **_I_** can go with you guys yet.  I think I’m going to accept Sunblade’s offer…at least temporarily,” Rodimus said very slowly and very quietly.  “Inside of me, right now…it’s _empty_.  If I screwed up and got people killed because my head’s out of the game…it would be the worst.  I need to find a way past this emptiness…and maybe Sunblade can help me.”   There seemed to be something else that was worrying him………….like his feelings for Megatron and such a great loss that he had suffered, but he couldn’t remember what that was right now.  It was so very strange…………it seemed old, but important.

            “Do you want me to temporarily take charge of the ship while you go and get the help you need?”  Ultra Magnus asked, curiously, interrupting his thoughts.

            “I want to ask you that so badly…but I don’t want to put pressure on you.  I want to go away for awhile…but I want to have a home to come back to.  And that home can no longer be Cybertron,” Rodimus murmured.  “The _Lost Light_ is my _home_ …and the crew is my **_family_**.  They mean **_everything_** to me and I want to do my best to protect them.  I know I can’t right now…because I’m damaged and hurting.   I don’t want to fake my way through it, like I did before…and make the same mistakes I made then…” he trailed off, holding up his hand and showing the numbers of the crisis vote, which Rodimus would never clear from his hand, ever again.  “The one time I failed them…and I failed so spectacularly.”  He paused and looked up at Ultra Magnus.  “I _cannot_ fail them again…I **_must not_**.”

            Ultra Magnus looked down at him and started to say something when suddenly, the whole world went black………………………….

 

 

 

_…………………………………..and there were distorted voices speaking…………………………………………………_

 

 

_“Damn it, his Spark just went into a massive spasm…………..Chromedome, did you lose him?”  First Aid’s familiar voice was shouting._

_“His brain just let go… **all of the sudden** …just like that………………I don’t know if I can get him back on track or not, I’ll……………” Chromedome began, intense worry in his voice._

_“Allow me,” an oddly familiar voice snapped.  And suddenly Rodimus felt himself slapped across the face.  Not just once, but multiple times.  “Stop being an idiot, Hot Rod of Nyon…you’re making this crew worry needlessly about your sorry ass!”  The so-familiar voice said with anger in it._

_“Failed…………” Rodimus murmured, regaining consciousness.  He looked up and saw Megatron above him and felt a chaotic swirl of emotions inside of him._

_“ **What**?  What’s that face for?  You should be happy you’re not dead, not looking like you wish you were,” Megatron sighed.  “I can’t believe everyone went so out of their way to………..” he began, then he saw something else, another expression or two, cross Rodimus’ face for an instant and just ended his complaints right there.   That was something he never imagined he’d see on the face of this younger Cybertronian, ever.  “What’s wrong?”  Megatron asked smoothly, trying not to sound as shocked as he felt when he saw Rodimus’ expression._

Epilogue:

**_The Lost Light, several days after the incident on Injher 7_ **

****

            Megatron looked down at Ravage when the robotic panther came up to him on the bridge.  He asked if Ravage had managed to find where Rodimus had been hiding out the last few days, since the captain of the ship had apparently decided _being captain_ wasn’t worthwhile any more.  Ravage gave a huff and a sigh and explained to Megatron that the younger Cybertronian was hiding out on the observation deck, of all places on the ship. 

            Not many went to the observation deck on their own, unless there was a stellar phenomenon happening that they wanted to look at.  It was mostly a wide window that looked out into space on the top-most deck of the ship, which had smaller windows around the wall-sides of the room.   It made sense that that was probably the last place anyone would think to look for Rodimus…and likely no one would stumble upon him either.

            It had been several days after the incident on the planet with the organic spiders that liked to eat robots.   Rodimus had vanquished the queen…but what no one realized until it happened—there was a **_KING_** spider.  A spider much larger than the female had suddenly descended upon Rodimus and bit right into his head and sunk dripping fangs into his brain module.   Megatron had barked out orders to retreat and ran forwards to grab the dying younger Cybertronian, knocking the king spider across the cavern into a far wall.  Effectively throwing off the organic creature’s attack and making a clear path for the crew to retreat.

            First Aid had immediately attended to the physical portion of the cranial injury and cleaned it up, but after he’d declared he’d finished up…suddenly Rodimus had gone into a spark-seizure and started dying right on the operating table.   First Aid just couldn’t figure out why he suddenly went into a death spiral.   The Chief Medical Officer had yelled for Chromedome to get to the medi-bay and he started doing what he could to preserve Rodimus’ Spark.  He told Chromedome to do something to keep Rodimus’ brain functioning while he worked on salvaging the fading Spark.  And they worked on it for almost 30 hours straight.

            Chromedome had put Rodimus’ brain functions into a loop of fiction…essentially spinning a story inside of Rodimus’ head to keep his brain continuing to function and hoping to bring back brain health through use of a creative narrative.   Chromedome had absolutely no idea what the story had been, only **_Rodimus_** knew what went on inside of his own head for this activity…but Chromedome used all of his skills to keep the brain going on that path once it had started.  As long as Rodimus’ brain had stayed on the story path, First Aid would have all the time he needed to save Rodimus’ Spark.

            But then something had happened.  Chromedome thought that maybe Rodimus had a contradictory thought to what had been going on in his head…or maybe a _very negative_ thought.  **_Something_** that had jolted him from the path Chromedome set him on, while First Aid was working.  It had to be completely shocking and traumatic to cause such an abrupt pull-out from something that had been working so well.  But it turned out to be Megatron, who got Rodimus conscious, and _that_ was enough for his Spark to come back to full life.

            Megatron had seen a dozen emotions cross Rodimus’ face in a mere several moments.  A couple had been some very soft and _emotional_ ones…Rodimus had been excited and pleased and happy to see Megatron.  Until the saddest and most dejected look had crossed Rodimus’ face in that very last moment, which was what made Megatron ask what was wrong.  Rodimus had looked so happy to see Megatron…and then looked absolutely _crushed_ over what it meant.   After that, Rodimus wouldn’t speak to anyone at all.   He just nodded or shook his head at First Aid when the medic had asked him questions…and as soon as First Aid very reluctantly released him from the medi-bay, he just _disappeared_.  Megatron and Ultra Magnus had used the intercom to call for him, but he wouldn’t answer any summons.

            Crew members had been asked to keep an eye out for him.  Some watched Rodimus’ room…but he _never_ went anywhere near his room.  He probably knew the crew had been looking for him and tried to go somewhere he felt the crew would _never_ find him at.  There were a lot of places to hide, it was a very big ship, and even if Rodimus were found in one of them…he could probably go and hide in another place.   But nobody at all thought to look on the observation deck.  It didn’t seem like a place Rodimus would go to.

            Megatron decided he would go alone, so maybe Rodimus wouldn’t freak out so much or overreact.   He based that thought on the expression he’d seen on Rodimus’ face when he’d regained consciousness.   When he entered the large room, he glanced around to see where Rodimus was at and saw the younger Cybertronian sitting in the sill of one of the smaller side-wall windows, just staring out at the stars.  The ex-Decepticon walked over, stood there, and crossed his arms with a soft sigh.

            “Is there a reason you’re ignoring _everyone_ on the ship?”  He started out, a flat tone to his voice.

            “I don’t think you would understand, old man,” Rodimus mumbled, quietly.  Then realized he called Megatron by the pet name he gave him in that little headworld he’d created.  Rodimus regretted it almost immediately and just stared very hard at one corner of the sill, wishing the world would just end already.   He hadn’t felt this bad since……since that day when he………and…….what was that strange memory………….of someone else so much longer ago……………Rodimus just finally sighed.  Everything was _messed up_ inside.  Reality…and that false reality that he lived through… _neither_ felt real anymore.   Something felt _strange_ inside of him…….something felt almost…………….. ** _missing_**.

            “Well, at least I know you can still use real words,” Megatron sighed, sitting across from Rodimus on the sill, near where the younger Cybertronian’s feet were.

            Rodimus briefly glanced over at Megatron and then looked away again.  “There is nothing that is real anymore, except for this pain inside of me.  So deep…and dark…and inescapable,” he answered quietly.  It was like those few moments he had in that headworld…the ocean and dark sky.  Then he remembered the Sparks lighting the sky above them, what they represented.   “Hey Megatron…would you do me a favor?  Would you take care of them?  Get them to the goal for me…?” He asked, meeting the former Decepticon Leader’s gaze.

            Suddenly Megatron grabbed Rodimus’ chin roughly.  “You did **_not_** just give up, did you?  **_YOU?!_** ”  He snarled angrily.  When Rodimus’ fingers brushed the back of his hand and then fell away, Megatron berated himself inside for acting physical and angry towards Rodimus…when he was going to try and be diplomatic about the situation.  “I’m _not_ the one drawing the map leading us onwards.  I _did not_ carry the Matrix and I am _not_ being guided,” he said firmly towards the younger Cybertronian.

            “You also don’t believe I’m drawing the map either, you and Magnus feel you have to confer with Thunderclash each time I get more of it drawn…neither of you can trust what I’m doing,” Rodimus said, leaning back and staring up at the ceiling window of the observation deck.  “I don’t care what drivel Drift believed, I’m _not_ needed for this quest to be completed.  **_You_** need to find the Knights of Cybertron, for everyone…not just for yourself.  And…” he trailed off, not even completing that sentence.

            “ _And_ …?”  Megatron prompted.

            “You deserve _to live_ ,” Rodimus added, quietly.  “You shouldn’t live with an expectation to die.  Only when you have exhausted all desire to function…that’s when you should die.  Like me, right now.  I have no desire to function anymore.  I have no more place in this universe.”

            “You told Ultra Magnus that self-destruction was a **_coward’s_** way out,” Megatron said, anger creeping back into his voice.  This stupidly energetic younger mechanism was basically saying he was planning to run off and kill himself sometime soon.   Waiting as if he had to _announce_ it to someone before he actually did it.  Unless……………Rodimus was waiting for _something else_ before resorting to such a drastic event……?

            “It _is_.  And I’m a **_coward_**.  Sorry to destroy all your high expectations of me,” Rodimus responded with deep sarcasm in his voice.  “I have no reason to live anymore.  I don’t have _Amica Endurae_ …I don’t have a _Conjunx Endura_ …” -- ** _there was a sudden twinge inside of him when he said that--_** “I don’t even have _anyone_ I consider to be any kind of friend around here.  And we both know that people here also think I’m an egotistical moron.  So.  Yeah.  **_Nothing_** to live for,” he added with a shrug, looking back out at the stars.  “In that little fictional world I just lived a whole lifetime through…………I had _all_ of that, though.  And it made me so **_happy_**.  Until the _end_.  And then waking up to this _real-reality_ …where all of it felt as if that brief happiness had been taken away.  It’s really _dull_ to be alive.  Apparently the _real_ me doesn’t regret my decisions as much as the _fictional_ me did……” he said, glancing at his palm and not seeing the numbers of the crisis vote there.  “But I’m just as guilty whether the proof is here or inside my head.”

            Megatron folded his arms and gave another sigh.  He read reports and heard stories of what had happened on this ship before he was here.  He had general ideas of everything the crew had been through.  He knew that the incident with Overlord and all the events that happened after that had strained the crew and brought out the worst in many.  “Is that why the first thing you said when you woke up was that you had _‘failed’_?”  He asked, keeping his voice even and non-emotional.

            “Yep.  There’s _no way_ to make up for the colossal failure that is me,” Rodimus chuckled, berating himself in a bitter voice.

            “Maybe you should go talk to Rung,” Megatron suggested in an even voice.

            “I don’t need a non-practicing psychiatrist to tell me I’m broken beyond repair,” Rodimus laughed softly.   He leaned forwards and lightly bumped a fist against the Autobot symbol on Megatron’s chest.  “This looks **_good_** on you.  You’re gonna be _awesome_ …just take care of them for me, that’s _all_ I want.”

            “I’m not letting you out of my sight, _I am not letting you kill yourself_ ,” Megatron said suddenly.

            A look crossed Rodimus’ features…happy at first, but then he looked so very sad.  “Maybe _that’s_ why…what happened inside my head…why all of _that_ happened.  I saw _this side of you_ subconsciously, even before I get to see it right now in reality.  It’s too bad… ** _that_** wasn’t the reality.  I **_liked_** it…I really liked **_you_** ,” Rodimus murmured, standing up.  He had to _go_ …even if he had to eject himself out of one of the ship’s hatches…he had to get off this ship and end his life.  He could not keep living and see Megatron everyday… _and not want to be with him_.  It was _too painful_ , Rodimus could not deal with that every single day.

            When he heard Rodimus’ subtle words…and maybe that no-so-subtle final bit…Megatron realized that somehow, inside that little bit of fiction he lived through—Rodimus had made the Megatron inside his head the beloved partner of his life.  Now it made sense…those expressions Rodimus had on his face when he regained consciousness…as well as the forceful avoidance of being the captain—the “ _co-captain_ ” of this ship.  Rodimus **_wasn’t_** avoiding his duties…he was avoiding **_Megatron_**.   That’s what it all was.   The younger Cybertronian had lived a lifetime of adventure and happiness…and had everything taken from him so abruptly.   It had to hurt a lot, for anyone who cared about being alive.

            “Rodimus…you just said you’ve never had a _Conjunx Endura_ , then how do you know what you feel inside is honest and true?”  Megatron asked, quietly, standing up and roughly grabbing Rodimus’ arm to keep him from running.

            “I was really close to someone once………..in my head I had a _Conjunx_ ………….that true feeling of being close to an individual here in the real world and what I felt inside my own headworld.  It was the **_same_**.  It _had_ to be honest and true,” Rodimus answered, staring at Megatron’s hand holding his arm.   It felt strange, but so very nice………….but it also tried to reminded him of something he seemed to have forgotten.  “Have **_you_** ever been close to anyone, Megatron…really and truly felt something passionate for someone?”  Rodimus asked, curiously.

            “I never had the opportunity…I’ve only had brief companionship, from the time in the mines.  I can’t count much of what was happening in my time with the Decepticons, though…you could never afford to get close to anyone there,” the ex-Decepticon Leader responded, softly, still holding onto Rodimus’ arm.  He knew if he let go, Rodimus would run…find a new hiding place…or escape the ship.

            But Megatron didn’t know what to do to make Rodimus _want to live_.  This _wasn’t_ the same flamboyant, egotistical young mechanism he thought he knew when he had come aboard the ship.  This was a Cybertronian who had seen too much and had the desire for life sucked out of him.  Maybe Megatron had never had a friend or a close companion ever before in his life…but here on this ship…it didn’t mean he couldn’t find one now.  And why not Rodimus…?

            “I do not know if I can be more than this…but I can be your _friend_ , Rodimus.  So, please…don’t let the crew mourn your loss,” Megatron said, softly.

            Rodimus looked very happy and very sad at the same time.  It was something he had wished for, but he couldn’t bring himself to believe it………………there was something inside that felt hidden from him……………preventing him from accepting this…………………..                

 

 

 

Next story:  **_Bonds_**


End file.
